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Author Revealed

Bill Scheft
Photo Credit: John Filo

Bill Scheft

Bill Scheft, a 15-time Emmy-nominated writer for David Letterman, is the author of two previous novels, The Ringer and Time Won't Let Me, which was a finalist for the 2006 Thurber Prize for American Humor. He has also written for the The New Yorker,... Read full bio

Author Revealed:
Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?
A. "Does this look infected?"
Learn more about Bill Scheft
Bill Scheft Revealed
About Bill Scheft
  • What is your birthdate?:
    2/15
  • Previous occupations:
    Sportswriter, Stand-up comic
  • Favorite job:
    The one I've had for 17 years. Writing monologue for Dave Letterman
  • High school and/or college:
    Deerfield Academy (1975), Harvard (1979)
  • Name of your favorite composer or music artist?:
    Pre-Sergeant Pepper Beatles
  • Favorite movie:
    The Graduate
  • Favorite television show:
    Right now, "House"
Revealing Questions
Q. How would you describe your life in only 8 words?
A. Beyond my wildest dreams or free-floating anxieties
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
A. If you ever forget you're a Jew, a gentile will remind you.
Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. When you want what you have.
Q. What’s your greatest fear?
A. The question "What is your greatest fear?"
Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A. With my wife
Q. With whom in history do you most identify?
A. Charlemagne's less successful brother, Herbemagne
Q. Which living person do you most admire?
A. Philip Roth
Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?
A. "Does this look infected?"
Q. What do you regret most?
A. Other than beginning this questionaire?
Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?
A. Play the piano, speak fluent Spanish
Q. What is your greatest achievement?
A. Marrying the right girl
Q. What’s your greatest flaw?
A. It depends. Is self-loathing a flaw, or a quirk?
Q. What’s your best quality?
A. Need to get back to you after I get over the self-loathing.
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. Younger
Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?
A. Like a lot of people with background in stand-up, when someone says something funny, rather than laugh, I'll say, "That's funny" or "Hysterical"
Q. Who is your favorite fictional hero?
A. I'm kind of partial to Harvey "College Boy" Sussman in THE RINGER, mainly because I created him.
Q. Who is your favorite fictional villain?
A. "Buffalo Bill" Bittinger, played to the hilt for two too short seasons by Dabney Coleman
Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A. I would love to meet Philip Roth and ask him why he didn't take the alter ego concept to its logical conclusion and publish "Carnovsky" by Nathan Zuckerman.

Short of that, I wouldn't mind asking Darrell Johnson why he put Jim Burton in to pitch the ninth in Game Seven of the 1975 World Series when Jim Willoughby had plenty left.
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. When people try to put me to work for them.
Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?
A. Playing the drums
Q. What’s your fantasy profession?
A. I write for Dave Letterman and I write novels. We're done.
Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?
A. Humility, humor, harmony
Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?
A. A cake from "Creative Cakes"
Q. What are your 5 favorite songs?
A. "Time Won't Let Me" (by the Outsiders, and the title of my second novel), "You Can't Do That" (Beatles), "Time Will Tell" (Tower of Power), "Baby Baby Don't Cry" (Smokey Robinson), "Fire" (Jimi Hendrix)
On Books and Writing
Q. Who are your favorite authors?
A. Richard Yates

Philip Roth

the Latin poet Catullus

Ernest Hemingway

John Irving

JD Salinger

Richard Price

Herbert Warren Wind (my uncle)
Q. What are your 5 favorite books of all time?
A. (don't say Catcher in the Rye...don't say Catcher in the Rye...don't say Catcher in the Rye...don't say Catcher in the Rye....)

"A Special Providence" (Yates)

"The Professor of Desire" (Roth)

"On the Tour with Harry Sprague" (Herbert Warren Wind)

"A Moveable Feast" (Hemingway)

"Deep in a Dream" (the Chet Baker biography)

Q. Is there a book you love to reread?
A. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Lenny Bruce!" (Albert Goldman) but just the first chapter
Q. Do you have one sentence of advice for new writers?
A. Writers write.
Q. What comment do you hear most often from your readers?
A. Your characters have great humility. (but do I for repeating that?)