Q. How would you describe your life in only 8 words?
A. Incredibly lucky, purposefully antagonizing, surprisingly dull, wonderfully funny
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
A. If your mom tells you she loves you, check it out
Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. Surrounded by books, with bourbon on the sides, The Simpsons (the good seasons) on the telly, and a naked gal sleeping in my bedroom.
Q. What’s your greatest fear?
A. Failing those that I love
Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A. I'm in it--Orange County, California
Q. With whom in history do you most identify?
A. St. Jude Thaddeus, the patron saint of lost causes
Q. Which living person do you most admire?
A. My parents--for being unasimmilated Mexicans, they sure have accomplished a lot in this country
Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?
A. You know--I stole it from East Los Angeles
Q. What do you regret most?
A. Not shtupping one of the chicks I mentioned in my Orange County book
Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?
A. To play the accordion
Q. What is your greatest achievement?
A. Getting two books published by Scribner--duh!
Q. What’s your greatest flaw?
Q. What’s your best quality?
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. I don't play those silly games--God cursed me with being me, so why bother looking up?
Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?
A. Do glasses count as a trait
Q. Who is your favorite fictional hero?
A. Tom Joad from the Grapes of Wrath
Q. Who is your favorite fictional villain?
A. C. Montgomery Burns
Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A. The inventor of the burrito--I'd say, "Copyright your invention!"
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?
Q. What’s your fantasy profession?
Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?
A. honesty, passion, commitment
Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?