A. janitor, camp counselor, substitute teacher, executive director of an educational nonprofit, manager of a convenience store for time travelers
A. I spend all day looking for my keys
A. "Where are my keys?"
A. Walking my little brother's poodle
A. Walking my little brother's golden retriever
A. Cadbury Mini Eggs. (VERY IMPORTANT: I'm not talking about the larger eggs, sometimes called Cadbury Maxi Eggs, with the gross fake yolk and too-sweet-cream egg white.) Why are these available only at Easter time? I have to stock up every spring with enough tiny chocolate eggs to last me the whole year, and then I end up eating that year's supply in three days. It's insane.
A. James Joyce, Jorge Luis Borges, Jon Scieszka, David Foster Wallace, Judith Viorst, Arnold Lobel, Agatha Christie, Raymond Chandler, Tomi Ungerer, James Marshall, Ellen Raskin, Nicholas Mosley, Ernest Hemingway, Flann O'Brien, Roald Dahl, Dr. Seuss, Edward Lear, Mother Goose, Chris Ware, and on and on and on
A. The Stinky Cheese Man, Infinite Jest, The Stupids Step Out, Ulysses, A Moveable Feast
A. After it became clear I was never going to make it as an actual private detective (I am allergic to fingerprint powder), writing this book seemed like the next best thing.