Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. This is a question for beauty contestants, isn't it, and I'm supposed to say world peace. However, if that's not possible, then I'd be thrilled with a cup holder for my car. I frequently yearn for a latte, but all attempts to transport one from the cafe to my home have proved disastrous. I also have ideas about cloning my dead dog. I saw part of that Stephen King movie about the dog that comes back to life, so I'm apprehensive about trying the U-Kan-Clone! kit that I bought from an infomercial. What was the question again?
Q. Who is your favorite fictional hero?
A. Oh, it would have to be Fanny Price in Jane Austen's Mansfield Park, because everyone is always saying, 'My darling Fanny!' and "My sweet Fanny" to her.
Q. What do you regret most?
A. You'd have to buy me a drink first to find out, and then I'd lie.
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. My favorite pet pea is the Fruit of the Loom pea in his green felt costume. I love those guys!