Books by this Author
My Life in 8 Words
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
Q. What do you regret most?
A. Not starting a bigger coup in Paraguay on Sir James Goldsmith's Now! magazine American Express card while looking for the Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. I should have got a credit upgrade.
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. Hitler's Moustache: To make him sneeze uncontrollably at crucial moments. It is hard to embark on world slaughter if everyone is saying, 'Gezondheid, mein Fuhrer,' all the time. The duty of writers is to get up politicians' noses.
Q. What’s your fantasy profession?
A. My own.
Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A. Caligula: 'I see George Eliot's Middlemarch does it for you too.'
February 02, 2012
‘I say, Holmes,’ said Dr Watson, opening his morning paper with a cheerful flourish as the sun angled in through the chintz curtains at 22b Baker Street. ‘I say, now that it’s all over, didn’t the taking of this Obama...drat... I mean Bin Laden chappie, fill you with patriotic pride? I remember when I was up on the pass, dodging the Jezzail bullets. And when that Gaddafi chappie bought it too? And now some Iranian nuclear Johnny has been shown the celestial door.’
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August 02, 2011Trout Taliban
First choose an overcast day to fish by a river such as the Oxus. On such a day the trout will rise more swiftly.
It will also be less likely that you will be blown out of your flip-flops by a Hell-fire missile.
Such things spoil a day’s fishing. So send your brother mujahedeen to the top of the nearest hill to watch and listen.
Trust in Allah, peace be unto him, but bait your hook with fat worms.
As you sit by the bank make sure a fire of dried wood is burning down to grey ashes.
When you have four trout it is time to cook.
Take four sheets of a newspaper. Infidel... see more