A. Fry cook, Video store clerk, Human Guinea Pig, Sentient blood bank and failed basic cable television personality
A. author person
A. University of Wisconsin at Madison
A. Meet John Doe
A. The Simpsons
A. This is my happening and it freaks me out!
A. I got a good Christian raisin' and an eighth grade education. Ain't no need in y'all treating me this way
A. In my book I describe perfect happiness as drinking the still-warm blood of my friends from the hollowed-out skulls of my enemies. So I'm going to go with either that or hugging a newborn kitten.
A. Losing everything
A. At the UN, accepting an award for being the greatest person in human history
A. Richard Nixon
A. my dad
A. Hitlertastic, ungrammaticaliciousness and the
A. Where do I begin?
A. If I could change the channel on the TV without actually getting up and doing so manually, that would be almost inconceivably awesome.
A. The Big Rewind, and keeping my two cats out of cat prison despite their many cat crimes
A. Where do I begin?
A. My sturdy hump/willingness to look the other way when my neighbors start moonshine stills in their backyards
A. To paraphrase Woody Allen, my only regret in life is that I am not someone else
A. my terrible posture and air of ineffable sadness
A. Franklin Delano Roosevelt: "How's your hammer hanging?" Alternately I might just make small talk about the weather or baseball statistics. I've always wanted to ask our greatest President what he thinks about the White Sox's bullpen or if it might rain.
A. Presidents who aren't adept at making small talk
A. I'm pretty happy with what I'm doing right now.
A. honesty, a sense of humor and being able to hold your whiskey
A. "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered", "Everyday Struggle", "Too Much Tenderness", "Be My Wife", "These Days"
A. Don Delillo, Preston Sturges Woody Allen David Sedaris Billy Wilder F. Scott Fitzgerald John Swartzwelder
A. Our Dumb Century The Third Face The Great Gatsby Yes I Can Catcher In The Rye
A. A Confederacy of Dunces
A. If you want to write, write: learn by doing, then do by learning. Wait, this doesn't have to make any sense, does it?
A. Your grammar and punctuation are deplorable but your prose at times approaches, if never quite attains, adequacy