My Life in 8 Words
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
A. I can't imagine ever being in a position where I might need one, or could use one without looking like an imbecile. "A guilty conscience needs to confess," you say. "A work of art is a confession." You think you sound like Dorothy Parker, but actually you sound like the windy old buffoon you so patently are. I wouldn't mind having my own catchphrase, though, if I could only think of one that wouldn't get on my family's nerves after about five minutes. So it would probably be - "I'll put the kettle on, shall I?", or; "Yes, you can play on the Wii."
Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A. At home on a sunny day, writing well.
Q. With whom in history do you most identify?
A. That's a dangerous game to start playing. I don't identify with (or even slightly resemble) any of my many heroes. It worries me that, because I've never had cause to be brave, I might lack the capacity. So I most identify with the scum and the cowards, fearing that, but for an accident of history, I'd be walking amongst them.
Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. Being at home, together with my wife and my sons on a day when I've written well and there's something really good on TV.
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. Me, for all that.